Enter the NMDB Naija Mega Diva Babe !

When she walks in to a party, fashionably late, there is no mistaking her importance at the event. You see, there is a way those who matter and know what's what with the latest head tie ,lace and all the attendant paraphernalia, carry themselves. It is an unspoken club and a statement as bold as the preening alpha females in a colony of primates. Every detail must be just so, and as I have said to various friends who have responded to my phrase with great mirth 'the kpim must match the kpam' .

This is a sample of the non- stop entertainment being played out in our lives minute by minute and so effortlessly, that we don't often pay attention to it.
Everything about the outfit speaks volumes, and the body language is unmistakably the same as a peacock strutting and fanning out it's tail feathers to display a stunning array of beautiful colours. 
Head held high, chest out, back exaggeratedly arched to extend butt out. The simple harmonic motion of the posterior cheeks gently swaying, eyes staring down everyone else from a high vantage point. Sight lines taking a quick scan, cursory look around the place to search out the lie of the land.
The eye brows are arched and raised so high as to give the appearance of being astonished. Or that may just be the outcome of last week's visit to the beauty parlour and the threading,waxing or tweezer artistry of her favourite beautician. With every considered step, she appears to take in a slow, deep breath, whilst simultaneously curling up the edges of her nostrils-eyes looking sharply from side to side. This looks like mild disgust or disdain, but it isn't, and is directed at no one in particular. It is just part of the body language required to make an impact. It is delivered very subtly indeed and accompanied by eyes that are glazed over to be totally inscrutable. Mouth pursed with sucked in cheeks together with a very gentle tilting of the head and a sort of slow-mo wagging of the chin, all accentuated and amped up to deliver 'the message'.

You better notice me jor , I AM all that!

If any one deigns to enter the shield and tries to offer a warm greeting within touching distance, God help them! And if they try to shake hands! A blunt 'How-wiryou' erupts! This curt and crisply delivered answer together with mouth movements that mirror that which you would get if you have been sucking lemons for a week. Her hand is extended for the briefest moment and rapidly withdrawn to resume it's particular place in one of her set body arrays. From the jewelry to the shoes and bag not to talk of the nail extensions, the aura and subliminal impressions push forth..
'Can't you see that I am among the glittering array of inter planetary stars?
I believe this is the very same spirit that inspired 'Lagbaja' to sing 'Oni gele yi skentele,.... oni gele yi skontolo' in which all accolades are directed at the head tie (gele) as a dazzling expression of pizzaz and elegance.

Once her high stepping Prada, Jimmy Choo or whatever designer clad feet set forth, with encrusted designs to match the elegant clutch, a series of automated events is set in motion. First of all the attendant paparazzi will leap forward to take the winning photos that will ensure bumper sales of their glossy magazines. Then the gorgeously dressed ushers of the event in order to show their recognition of Naija Mega Diva Babe (NMDB) will swoop in en mass and feign earnest servitude and show her to her seat.

The greeting-:
There will be lots of teeth on display, kowtowing, twisting, arms swung coyly backwards, lots of titles and accolades preferred forth as well. Fanning the blazing flames of her self aggrandizement to a roaring flame that consumes lesser mortals in it's path. Shamelessly ingratiating, the event ushers, pilot her to her seat and silence falls as she is seated.
Yes! The party is a success already, her place in the hierarchy of NMDB's is secure again as others outside the shield look on with the combined power of admiration, resentment and disgust.

Lara Cookey
Fly on the wall
At one high profile event in Lagos